Christian Counseling: Realign Your Relationship with Biblical Values

 Are you and your spouse struggling to connect? Do you feel like you are drifting apart in your marriage? Do you want to rebuild your relationship on the solid foundation of Christ? A Christian therapist can work with you and your spouse on realigning your relationship with Biblical values. Christian marriage counseling is a beneficial combination of psychological techniques and a faith-based perspective that can help you find healthy solutions for your problems. The following are ways which you, your spouse, and your therapist can focus on during your marriage Christian counseling sessions:

Base Your Relationship on God

The Bible teaches us that marriage is not merely a contract but a covenant.  A contract, as Scott Hahn noted, is merely an exchange of promises, while a covenant is an exchange of persons.  Through the covenant of marriage  “the two (spouses) become one body” (Genesis 2:24) and their oneness becomes a visible sign of Christ’s love for the Church. As the Council of Trent states:

The holy matrimony signifies the union of Christ and the Church. It gives spouses the grace to love each other with the love with which Christ loved the Church and thus perfects their human love, strengthens their bond of unity, and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life.

-Council of Trent: DS 1799

Marriage, therefore, is a covenant between you, your spouse, and God.  This is meant to be the foundation for your marriage as you walk and grow together in Christ, not just as individuals. It involves giving our all to God, trusting in Him and His plan for us in life. When we turn from Him and focus only on ourselves, we lose then purpose in our marriage. Applying biblical principles will give you a stronger marriage. Couples Christian counseling can help you rediscover the meaning of your marriage as a holy covenant and guide you to live out the Christian virtues in your relationship for a deeper and stronger bond.

Treat Your Spouse with Kindness

We all heard about the the golden rule for relationships as stated by Jesus in Luke 6:31: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” This principle echos Christ’s commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27).  In other words, love those who are in proximity to you and treat them as you would treat yourself and as you would want them to treat you.  Who then is closer to us than our own spouse and the members of our household? It is unfortunate, however, that we are sometimes nicer to strangers or friends and neighbors than we are to the one who is most worthy of our love: our spouse.

In his daily message, Pastor Rick Warren writes about the benefits of treating others with kindness. He quotes,

Being kind and polite to others, especially your spouse, can help your marriage. When we are rude toward each other, we create resentments that can build up, eating away at our relationship.

-Rick Warren

Your marriage christian therapist can help you work through unresolved feelings, issues, or conflicts that prevent you from experiencing an “overriding positive sentiment” in your relationship, as John Gottman puts it. Developing a culture of appreciation and kindness in your marriage strengthens your emotional bond and enables you to put in practice the Biblical commandment of neighborly love.

Express Anger Appropriately

Everyone gets angry, and sometimes that anger can spill over affecting those we love. Left unaddressed, the effects of anger can be devastating to a marriage. Pastor Warren recommends these do’s and don’ts:

• Don’t keep your anger inside as it will build up over time.
• Don’t deny that you are feeling angry.
• Don’t express your anger inappropriately, either passively or aggressively.
• Do confess your anger, and give it over to God.

A Christian counselor can help you to express your anger in healthy ways and practice tools  you can use to communicate with your spouse in a more productive way.

Maintain Your Commitment to Each Other

Uniting in marriage means that you have made a commitment to each other. However, there are many temptations that can draw you away from your spouse. Whether it is work, school, a new person that comes into your life, or even addiction, there are many ways you could travel a path leading to a crisis in your marriage. Awareness of these temptations, communication with your spouse, and grounding your relationship in something bigger than each other can help prevent this from happening. However, it takes continual work and dedication.

If, however, your relationship is already in crisis, a counseling approach that resonates with your faith-principles, is surely the best way to go, as all dimensions of our life are equally important: Body, mind, and spirit.

Family Benefits of Re-aligning Your Relationship

Realigning your relationship based on Christian values has benefits beyond each of you, impacting your family too. A parent that makes a commitment to their spouse, is kind, expresses emotions appropriately, and has a relationship with God can be a positive force and role model for their children. Proverbs says:

“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?  The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.”

– Proverbs 20:6-7

Maintaining a marriage isn’t easy. It takes a lot of work and can bring up difficult things for both of you. However, with the help of a Christian counselor, you can solidify a foundation in Biblical values that will be of benefit not just to your relationship, but to your whole family as well.

As a Christian therapist, it gives me joy to help couples strengthen their emotional and spiritual bond, simply because spiritual growth will most likely result in a deeper commitment and a happier marriage. If you are looking for a therapist who offers individual or marriage Christian counseling, I would love to help you. Feel free to contact me anytime.

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