Married to a Porn Addict?  7 Tips to Help You Cope

Addiction to Pornography can have devastating consequences for sufferers and their spouses. If you are married to a porn addict, you may be struggling with questions like:  How did this happen? What do I do now?

It is possible to get through this, but it will take a lot of love and support.

 Tip #1:  It’s Not Your Fault

When trying to understand why this happened, you might be tempted to blame yourself.  This would be a mistake. Your spouse’s addiction is not your fault. Your spouse could be struggling with many issues that led to this, including:

• Prior trauma
• Impulsivity
• Alcohol or susbstance abuse
• High levels of stress
• Avoidance

Whatever the reason, you are not the cause for your spouse’s behavior. Nor are you responsible for your spouse’s actions, though, unfortunately, your spouse’s actions do affect you.

Tip #2:  Be Honest With Your Feelings

Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come up for you. Some common feelings include:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Betrayal
• Fear

Do you have someone that you are close to or you can confide in, such as a family member or friend? Is there someone you can talk to such as a therapist or a pastor? It’s important that you do express what you are feeling, instead of holding it in. Otherwise, this can lead to serious problems for you too.

Tip #3:  Be Careful With How You Cope

The knowledge of your spouse’s porn addiction could lead you to negatively cope by consuming alcohol, using drugs, or excessively eating or shopping.  In addition, prolonged feelings of sadness could lead to depression. Watch yourself and be aware of your emotions to make sure you aren’t falling into this trap.

Tip #4:  Don’t Let Important Things Slip

It might seem overwhelming to know that your spouse is struggling with an addiction. However, be careful not to let your primary responsibilities fall to the wayside. Be sure to keep:

• Taking care of the children.
• Maintaining work or school obligations.
• Participating in clubs or other organized activities.

Maintaining your routine as much as possible is not only reassuring to you, but it also helps you stay connected to others and not isolate yourself.

Tip #5:  What About the Kids?

Your kids can be a source of strength, as you work through this crisis. They may have a lot of questions about what’s going on. You don’t have to tell them the details, but you can acknowledge that there is a problem and that you and your spouse are getting help. Remind them that they are important to you and your spouse, and that you love them.

Tip #6:  Get Professional Help

This isn’t a process that you have to go through alone. A professional therapist, trained in sex addiction therapy, can not only be helpful to your spouse, but to you as well. Together, you and your therapist can work through your feelings and try to understand why this happened. A certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) is specifically trained to help you and your spouse navigate through this painful crisis and and find healing for your heart and your relationship.

Tip #7:  Attend a Support Group

An addiction to pornography affects not only the addict, but everyone he cares about them. Attending a support group, such as S-Anon or COSA can be helpful. It may be easier to cope with a problem knowing that others are struggling with the same issue. Also, a support group can be another safe place to express your feelings with others.

Being married to a porn addict can be incredibly difficult.  Yet, you can cope with this problem by finding support through friends, your activities, a therapist, and others who also struggle with a spouse’s porn addiction too. It’s not your fault, and you don’t have to do this alone.

As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), I am privileged to have been an instrument of healing and recovery to many people who are struggling with porn addiction or are partners of a porn addict.  Contact me today for a a free phone consultation.